Sister’s Love

Bella wrote this note to her sister just a few hours after Hailey passed away, using my cell phone:

haileyletter

The first time I read it, it broke my heart yet again, into a million little pieces. But I saved it anyway. To this day, it’s still there.

Every now & then I will look at it & remember. Remember the pain & the heartache. But the love too. The sweet words from one sister & best friend to another.

It also encouraged me to start writing letters to Hailey & I have been doing so for over a year now.

How do we stop communicating to our loved ones after death?

We can’t. Just like we can’t stop loving them…

They are always with us, in our thoughts & prayers. Embedded in our hearts & our DNA.

We always remember.

In the beginning

The Darkest Days

~~~

Dark are the days
Since my sunshine was taken away
Upon my darkest hours
Is when I don’t see a future without her

Wondering what the point is
Of living this life with no bliss

Feeling like faith has betrayed me
Leaving me with only memories
Of what used to be

Dark are the days
Missing the love I knew
Searching for her in everything
That is beautiful, pure & true

Not a day goes by
That I bow my head down & cry
Missing our sweet angel
That now flies through the sky

Even on the darkest days
We go on & put on a show
Pretending everything’s alright
It’s better that no one know

Dark are the days
When we realize with words unspoken
Nothing will bring her back

And our hearts will remain forever broken

broken chain

Who are we?

Letter to our Hailey:

“You are who you are, and you are what you are supposed to be.” H.A.E

You were just six years old when you said this out loud one day. I thought it was such a clever thing to say; something from the “out of the mouth of babes” category. Of course I had to share it on Facebook like most- my favorite place to share all the details of our lives. Specially anything to do with you & your sisters.

Funny quotes, sweet pictures, school events, family vacations…the list goes on. So many memories. It’s all there.

Looking back, I can clearly hear the annoyance in your voices & see the rolling of the eyes, “Mommy are you posting that on Facebook!?”

Why yes, yes I am.

………

Almost 6 years later, memories is all that I have left of you.

I can’t be thankful enough that I was one of those cheesy moms who took so many pictures. That proud cheesy mom who posted every note, card & quote. I don’t think I would of remembered it all.

Specially now, that everything is still a big blur. It’s been a year since you’ve been gone from us & we are still trying to make sense of it all.

You are who you are & you are what you are supposed to be?

Who are we now that you are gone? Where did you go? Was this the way it was supposed to be?

The only promise we can make, is that we will try & honor your life the best way we can. Our sweet Hailey.

This is a start.

We love & miss you. Every single minute of every single day.

Fly high, our Haileyfly.