Promise

Promise

The pain of losing you
Makes it hard to breath
Makes it hard to sleep
Trying very hard
Not to harden underneath

Just miss my sunshine
That beautiful smile
For those warm hugs & kisses
I’d walk a million mile

Just promise me baby girl
To wait for me
If I can make it through
Wait for me on the other side
Behind those skies of blue

Promise me and I’ll promise you
In my arms you’ll be
Then hand in hand
We’ll fly the skies together
And swim through every sea

We’ll be together once again
And remain…

For all eternity.

haileyobx

Something good

When I’m feeling lost, broken or just missing my baby girl so much I can’t breathe, I try to remember something good.

Something good like this…

The speech her sister Isabelle wrote a couple days before Hailey’s service:

“Hailey was a special person. She was sweet, funny, nice, and saw the best in everyone. Hailey was the best friend or family member anyone could ever have. We have to hope that God took her away for a good reason. Because maybe something worse could have happened in the future. Hailey had a big heart and no one will forget that. We have to keep her memories alive as long as we live. And one day I promise we will see her again. Hailey & Kayla are and always be my best friends forever.

My family was the best thing that ever happened to me. And they are the loves of my life. And I realize now that instead of fighting and arguing with each other, we have to be loving and caring and cherish every moment that we spent alive. I know that it is going to be hard to go on with our lives but we will have to be strong. Because Hailey is watching over us and she does not want to see us sad because if we do then she will get sad.

And we have to remember that Hailey is a beautiful angel and that she is no longer in pain and that she is having fun. There were so many things she wanted to do in life but now she can do it in heaven. We have to look for signs that she is there. And that Hailey is in a better place now.”

……

Admittedly, the day of her service, like most days after, are sort of a blur to me.

But the image of my nine year old daughter Isabelle reading this speech out loud that day, in front of all our loved ones, on a bright sunny day, will never leave me. An image… that will gladly replace others just a couple weeks prior.

Not many spoke that day, which is okay. The ones that did were amazing & heartfelt. It also made Isabelle’s speech that much more special. I couldn’t of been prouder of our little girl, standing there showing such amazing courage, love & strength.

Heartbreaking & beautiful, I will always remember her words. I will always be proud. The resilience & love both my daughters continue to show still amazes me. It teaches & guides me. It gets me through each day. The lesson of a lifetime…

It’s my something good.

something good

Sister’s Love

Bella wrote this note to her sister just a few hours after Hailey passed away, using my cell phone:

haileyletter

The first time I read it, it broke my heart yet again, into a million little pieces. But I saved it anyway. To this day, it’s still there.

Every now & then I will look at it & remember. Remember the pain & the heartache. But the love too. The sweet words from one sister & best friend to another.

It also encouraged me to start writing letters to Hailey & I have been doing so for over a year now.

How do we stop communicating to our loved ones after death?

We can’t. Just like we can’t stop loving them…

They are always with us, in our thoughts & prayers. Embedded in our hearts & our DNA.

We always remember.

In the beginning

The Darkest Days

~~~

Dark are the days
Since my sunshine was taken away
Upon my darkest hours
Is when I don’t see a future without her

Wondering what the point is
Of living this life with no bliss

Feeling like faith has betrayed me
Leaving me with only memories
Of what used to be

Dark are the days
Missing the love I knew
Searching for her in everything
That is beautiful, pure & true

Not a day goes by
That I bow my head down & cry
Missing our sweet angel
That now flies through the sky

Even on the darkest days
We go on & put on a show
Pretending everything’s alright
It’s better that no one know

Dark are the days
When we realize with words unspoken
Nothing will bring her back

And our hearts will remain forever broken

broken chain