Perfect Day

Baby girl,

These pictures popped up on my Facebook memories this morning & they have been on my mind all day. They’re some of my favorite pictures of us, taken on a hike to Harper’s Ferry five years ago.

It was a drive that we made on a whim, on a rare Sunday that Daddy had off, with perfect weather. Rather than just sit home, we chose to go on a little adventure. I chose a destination that Google suggested on a map & off we went.

Sometimes the best kind of adventures are the ones unplanned….this was one of those times.

They say pictures are worth a thousand words. It’s true. These pictures say it all.

I remember it all like it was yesterday. Walking the trails by the train tracks, crossing the bridges over the Shenandoah River, taking the shuttle bus tour to the battlegrounds & walking through the historic old town…

You girls got to even pet some horses too.

I remember the smiles. Feeling good about being out in nature. Excited about walking the trails to see what’s next; about not knowing where we would end up.

I remember how relieved we were to find that cute little restaurant with outdoor seating on top of a hill & finally being able to sit, drink & eat after all that walking.

I remember the beautiful view from the patio, overlooking the mountains & the trees…

Feeling for a moment that we were in a different place & time; another country, or perhaps even a different world. That for just that moment in time, we weren’t just hanging out in a quiet, little peaceful place only 40 minutes from home…

We were somewhere far, far away…Somewhere I wanted to maybe stay forever.

These are precious memories.

Looking at these pictures brings them back to me. Looking at the ones of you, brings you back to me…not in the way I want, but at least momentarily.

The black & white one especially because…

It wasn’t just a lucky shot. There was no posing or pretending.

It’s just you.

You, our beautiful sweet baby girl. In your purest, sweetest & most beautiful form. Our angel.

With that smile, that’s imprinted in our hearts & minds forever.

This picture, I had framed & sits in our living room everyday. Every time I walk by & see it, I am transported back to this day; this most perfect day.

I am reminded that our precious memories can never be taken away.

And knowing that I could go on for another day, it’s only because I know we’ll all be together again someday…somewhere far far away.

It will be again…another perfect day.

Love & miss you, with all my heart. Mommy

harpers ferry


If you ever see these plates on the road, it’s me.

The mother of three beautiful girls; two in this world & one beyond the sea.

She sends us signs sometimes, to tell us she’s ok & that everything’s going to be alright.

Always on our weakest days, giving us strength to continue to fight.

In form of a rainbow, bird, cloud or butterfly; our Haileyfly.

Suddenly appearing in plain sight.

Just as delicate, beautiful, graceful & playful as our baby girl used to be.

Fluttering around, so free. So free.

We smile when we see a Haileyfly, because we feel her spirit near.

A sign of hope, that is so needed, that is so dear.

Never forgotten baby girl. We love you. ❤




The pain of losing you
Makes it hard to breath
Makes it hard to sleep
Trying very hard
Not to harden underneath

Just miss my sunshine
That beautiful smile
For those warm hugs & kisses
I’d walk a million mile

Just promise me baby girl
To wait for me
If I can make it through
Wait for me on the other side
Behind those skies of blue

Promise me and I’ll promise you
In my arms you’ll be
Then hand in hand
We’ll fly the skies together
And swim through every sea

We’ll be together once again
And remain…

For all eternity.


Something good

When I’m feeling lost, broken or just missing my baby girl so much I can’t breathe, I try to remember something good.

Something good like this…

The speech her sister Isabelle wrote a couple days before Hailey’s service:

“Hailey was a special person. She was sweet, funny, nice, and saw the best in everyone. Hailey was the best friend or family member anyone could ever have. We have to hope that God took her away for a good reason. Because maybe something worse could have happened in the future. Hailey had a big heart and no one will forget that. We have to keep her memories alive as long as we live. And one day I promise we will see her again. Hailey & Kayla are and always be my best friends forever.

My family was the best thing that ever happened to me. And they are the loves of my life. And I realize now that instead of fighting and arguing with each other, we have to be loving and caring and cherish every moment that we spent alive. I know that it is going to be hard to go on with our lives but we will have to be strong. Because Hailey is watching over us and she does not want to see us sad because if we do then she will get sad.

And we have to remember that Hailey is a beautiful angel and that she is no longer in pain and that she is having fun. There were so many things she wanted to do in life but now she can do it in heaven. We have to look for signs that she is there. And that Hailey is in a better place now.”


Admittedly, the day of her service, like most days after, are sort of a blur to me.

But the image of my nine year old daughter Isabelle reading this speech out loud that day, in front of all our loved ones, on a bright sunny day, will never leave me. An image… that will gladly replace others just a couple weeks prior.

Not many spoke that day, which is okay. The ones that did were amazing & heartfelt. It also made Isabelle’s speech that much more special. I couldn’t of been prouder of our little girl, standing there showing such amazing courage, love & strength.

Heartbreaking & beautiful, I will always remember her words. I will always be proud. The resilience & love both my daughters continue to show still amazes me. It teaches & guides me. It gets me through each day. The lesson of a lifetime…

It’s my something good.

something good

Sister’s Love

Bella wrote this note to her sister just a few hours after Hailey passed away, using my cell phone:


The first time I read it, it broke my heart yet again, into a million little pieces. But I saved it anyway. To this day, it’s still there.

Every now & then I will look at it & remember. Remember the pain & the heartache. But the love too. The sweet words from one sister & best friend to another.

It also encouraged me to start writing letters to Hailey & I have been doing so for over a year now.

How do we stop communicating to our loved ones after death?

We can’t. Just like we can’t stop loving them…

They are always with us, in our thoughts & prayers. Embedded in our hearts & our DNA.

We always remember.

In the beginning

The Darkest Days


Dark are the days
Since my sunshine was taken away
Upon my darkest hours
Is when I don’t see a future without her

Wondering what the point is
Of living this life with no bliss

Feeling like faith has betrayed me
Leaving me with only memories
Of what used to be

Dark are the days
Missing the love I knew
Searching for her in everything
That is beautiful, pure & true

Not a day goes by
That I bow my head down & cry
Missing our sweet angel
That now flies through the sky

Even on the darkest days
We go on & put on a show
Pretending everything’s alright
It’s better that no one know

Dark are the days
When we realize with words unspoken
Nothing will bring her back

And our hearts will remain forever broken

broken chain